There are bands that use allusion and metaphor to weave lyrics with a golden thread throughout their songs but if Straight Wealthy White Male Suffrage is your first introduction to the band Those Fucking Snowflakes (TFS) you will be unsurprised to hear that I am not going to be using words like subtlety or phrases like “…this song hints at”. TFS have eschewed allegory for the lyrical equivalent of a claymore trained on the targets of their ire (and they have plenty of ire to go around): Boris Johnson, Trump, Morrisey, sexists, the sarcasm of meat-eaters and more. The five titles on the EP do not attempt to obscure their subject matter: ‘Weak Men Fear Strong Women’ (bringing the world the fantastic portmanteau word ‘masculin-fantiles’), ‘Boris Johnson and the Big Red Bus of Bullshit’, ‘Meat Is Murder But Morrissey’s A Dickhead’, ‘Carnibores’ and ‘Tangerine Pirate of the NHS’.
My abiding feeling is that preaching to the choir at polite dinner parties or sharing memes of injustice via social media echo chambers will only get you so far and it feels good to know These Fucking Snowflakes are out there deploying a 1000 volts through the civility of discourse. The shortest route between two points is often through something and TFS are a roadblock busting sonic juggernaut. This isn’t just an EP of worthy polemic with catchy song titles it is made up of five cracking songs, a roiling sea of heavy, heavy chords, swirling riffs and screaming vocals with occasional moments of calm like the tender refrain of “Fuck you, fuck you Boris Johnson” at the end of ‘Boris Johnson and the Big Red Bus of Bullshit’ which is almost a love song to how much they hate him. I also loved the Pirate-themed opening to ‘Tangerine Pirate of the NHS’. It’s like the Cardiacs and Crass had a very angry baby.
I was going to quote liberally from the fun and ferocity of their lyrics, but it occurred to me that there’s no point in reading my take on it when their lyrics are crystal clear and diamond hard. I wholeheartedly agree with their politics and admire the fearless way they put them across so my advice is strap on some headphones, turn up the volume, assume the brace position, and let Those Fucking Snowflakes scream their truth right into your psyche while reading the lyrics re-printed below.
Review by Paul F Cook
Only Weak Men Fear Strong Women
Only weak men, fear strong women
They fear a world that no longer needs them
Fragile egos, with nothing to offer
Incels, smug grinned dinosaurs – get gone
You cannot claim that your shrivelled sack
Makes you greater than half the population
A persons merit is in all they do
Don’t put down those more capable than you
Over some – outdated notion of masculine – supremacy
Embarrassing the rest of us not devoid of rationality
Only weak men, fear strong women
bad jokes about them staying in kitchens
Pass archaic laws to govern the womb
Gloss over them being, half of that issue
Only weak men, fear strong women
They fear a world that no longer needs them
Fragile egos, with nothing to offer
Objectification, dehumanisation
Upbringing is no excuse, learned habits can still be changed
Upbringing is no excuse, learned habits can still be changed
toxic masculin-fantiles disregard those ‘so smug’ smiles
fully grown weeping babies
give it up toxic masculin-fantiles
Only weak men, fear strong women
They feel a need to dehumanise them
Excerting power with sexual intimidation
Have fun in prison Harvey Weinstien
Only weak men, fear strong women
They fear a world that no longer needs them
Fragile egos, with nothing to offer
Objectification, dehumanisation
BORIS FUCKING JOHNSON AND THE BIG RED BUS OF BULLSHIT
Giant lies on your fucking bus
Bullshit cunt you’re insufferable
Every word your ever say
Is another lie for personal gain
Everything you ever did
You fucked up and got away with it
THIS IS WHERE WE FALL APART
You led the weak with your deceit
Promised white supremacy
I truly do not give a fuck
About your ‘Ban The Burka’ shit
THIS IS WHERE WE FELL APART x2
Brexit was your snidest trick
A Xenophobic power grab
Every word you ever say is another lie for personal gain
Everything you ever did you fucked up and got away with it
THIS IS WHERE WE FALL APART
You led the weak with your deceit
Promising white supremacy
I truly do not give a fuck
About your ‘Ban The Burka’ shit
THIS IS WHERE WE FALL APART x 2
We’re all going to DIIIIIIIEEEE
Third world brexit UK
All because of Cameron’s greed
and your fucking LIES
AND YOUR LIES x 4
Fuck you, fuck you Boh-ris Jooohnssooonn
Meat Is Murder, But Morrisey’s A Dickhead
Right wing bitch, shake those saggy tits
Meat Is Murder, But Morrisey’s A Dickhead
Vegan Values, but no humanity?
Meat Is Murder, But Morrisey’s A Dickhead
Farage sexual fantasies
Meat Is Murder, But Morrisey’s A Dickhead
Racist Grampa jive those hips
Meat Is Murder, But Morrisey’s A Dickhead
not everyone prefers their own race no no no no
your musics great but you’ve ruined it all
Fa lah lah lah
by backing facist right parties, no no no no
Only caring about animals and people who are white
cunt cunt cunt cunt
there is a light that never goes out
and that light is your fuckin mouth
Carnibores
Animal cruelty is the human disgrace
Total lack of empathy, a stain on our race
But when I see what’s on your plate
I abstain from an opinion
But when carnibores find out I don’t partake
In eating corpses it drives them insane
Spitting out old tired lines
meat is murder, but murder tastes good
you clever little thing, never heard that one
the plants? What they have feelings too?
Stephen Fry would be proud of that un
I’m leaving more food for you
By eating the cows – so they can’t take it
Here’s you medal of wit, for that quip
It was so original and very well done
b b but bacon, b b but bacon
b b bellends, b b but bacon
b b but bacon, b b bellends
Find some new material
Or Does the lard restrict
your cognitive functions
Maybe you’re always just a dick?
Tangerine Pirate of the NHS
Trump Is Coming for Our Health Care system
Capitalising on Our Misery
Boris Sold Out?
To The Tangerine Pirate
Our NHS, the destitute will suffer
Prepare for cancer victims selling home grown meth
Because only the wealthy can afford the treatment
A privately funded patchwork of systems
Is coming to make money from those in need
the cost of medicine will skyrocket
The price wars wage as innocents die
Get your tiny orange pussy grabbers,
off our NHS – you tangerine dickhead
Keep your tiny orange pussy grabbers
off our NHS – spray tan moron
the Healthcare system in the USA
puts down the weak and keeps them in their place
So keep your five chinned orange bonce
out of our health care system
you fucking cunt.