The Kunts well-rounded, sophisticated minds have constructed a perfect Christmas song to represent not just this year, but the magnificently malefic leadership we have had paraded across our television screens for the duration. A passionate and personal message that resounds through each bar of the song.
This Punk “supergroup” formed around their lead singer, Kunt, from Kunt and the Gang. Arsehole (guitar), Skidmark (bass) and Fucksticks (drums) are all former bandmates from before Kunt rose to cult fame. Established less than a year ago, this new band are showing great promise. They have created a new Christmas anthem, a track that you can really sing along to.
Climbing high on the Amazon and iTunes charts, there is a chance this song could reach Christmas number one this year. Middle class mums and Tory touters across the country are up in arms about it, trying to get it banned. BBC Radio can’t play it pre-watershed. Even The Kunt’s Vimeo account has been removed due to the violation. Who knew that six words could invoke such strong feelings, you have to wonder why?
Who knows what the Prime Minister has bought the other world leaders for Christmas. An elf told me that he was planning to carve up the National Health Service for Christmas dinner. He keeps saying it is not on the table, so we will wait and see what surprises he brings in the year 2021.
I tried to contact Father Christmas, but he declined to comment. He was busy, trawling through the .gov website, researching air travel restrictions and how exactly he was going to get Rudolph a PCR test without putting his fog light out.
It is such a catchy song, you might find yourself humming it as you queue up in Sainsburys to return that turkey you bought. Or whistling the tune as you unwrap your Christmas presents, alone under your thirty quid Christmas tree that only your eyes will ever see.
Play it in the background to bring festive cheer when you zoom call your family this Christmas day, and think – if we’d had someone leading the country that was even one percentile less of a cunt, we might all be together pulling crackers and singing more traditional carols.
The warmth and magic of Christmas is so strong in this song, it might as well be the new Jingle Bells.
I wondered if The Kunts were considering taking a boat down The Thames to play outside The Houses of Parliament. But remembered that all the hire places have probably gone under this year with Johnson’s sporadic lockdowns. Maybe they should all hop on a Boris Bike and nip down to number 10. Where, perhaps a messy haired Boris would gift them with mince pies and cups of tea before, with a nod of his head and a cheery wink, he calls the police and gets them all arrested for singing in a Tier four area.
A bunch of celebrities have mentioned their love of this song and their hope for it to reach number one this Christmas. Including Charlie Brooker, Stewart Lee and ADF, Rage Against the Machine, Miles Hunt, Ginger Wildheart and Jon Morter (the guy behind the the RATM & JFT96 Xmas No. 1 Campaigns).
If you want to stick two big fingers up at the system and leave 2020 with a bang, then go and download this track.
‘Boris Johnson is a Fucking Cunt’ is available for download from now until 24th December, produced by Kunt in his shed in Essex.
You can also download the non-explicit version ‘Boris Johnson is a Sausage Roll’ for those of you who have politically minded children or don’t want to swear in front of your gran at Christmas.
Download both from www.borisjohnson.info
The Kunts are planning a tour in 2021 – “providing there are any music venues left.”