After listening to ‘The Forces of Evil’ for about the fourteenth time, it suddenly occurred to me that the beginning sounds a tiny bit like the Batman theme tune. Pow! Zok! Or perhaps No! What?! Your ears aren’t working! However, I doubt that The Adventures of Bert & Henry will mind the comparison too much. Their PR person tells me that ‘The Forces of Evil’ is “the feelgood hit of Halloween 2025,” and who am I to disagree with the hyperbole of people paid to write hyperbole? My job is simply to write arch comments in response and pretend that people use the word ‘arch’ these days.
Oh, and I should also recommend that you buy ‘The Forces of Evil’ because it’s delightfully silly and may even spirit all your worries away, if only for three minutes and eight seconds. Combine the creativity of Devo, the manic playfulness of The B–52s, and the angular-ness of Franz Ferdinand – et voilà! Tu as ‘The Forces of Evil’! “If your conscience is a cesspit / Then you shall go to the ball!” So, everyone, let’s ditch our morals and put on our best Halloween costumes – we’re all going to a party. As long as I get to be the Joker.
But before we set off, check out the conversation I had with the actual Bert and Henry plus their sax machine, Dave. Thank you, chaps, for your time, wisdom and wit.
Hello. How are you?
BERT: All the better for being featured in Joyzine. Thanks for asking.
You are from the Ceredigion Coast. Does its ruggedness influence your sound at all?
BERT: Yes, I’d like to think it does. Not in a wanky way though. As in… Dave’s saxophone part in ‘Flex Your Political Muscle’ encapsulates the raw energy of the turbulent sea that pounds the cliffs at Cwmtydu.
HENRY: Yes! Ruggedness = inspiration = noise.
Which other bands do you like?
BERT: Seems like there is loads of great music about these days. We like loads of bands, but most of all we like Spencer Segelov & Great Paintings.
There are five members of your band. Do the other three members have adventures too?
HENRY: Yes, I believe so. During tea breaks we have heard mutterings of grocery acquisitions, MOT certificates, occasional holidays and such.
BERT: We’ve borrowed Tig from The Primitives to record the single. He’s more of a gun for hire. Good news is, he seems to be sticking around. Dave is a core member and so is involved in all the stuff Henry and I get up to. He is quite physically imposing, so I feel that this makes up for the fact that his name isn’t in our band name. We’re so lucky too to have Bec on backing vocals too.
Tell us more about your single ‘The Forces of Evil’. Please.
BERT: It’s a glimpse into a world where if stuff goes wrong or bad things happen, it can legitimately be blamed on a tangible malevolent entity. Like the external locus of control that psychologists bang on about. It’s sad because it kind of slips away as you get older.
‘The Forces of Evil’ is the Golden Mare Recording Company’s first release. Does this load an unbearable level of pressure on your shoulders or any other part of your body?
DAVE: Come to mention it, I have had a bit of an achy left knee.
BERT: Really pleased to be the first release on Golden Mare. When you make songs, it’s a massive part of your life and you naturally feel like it should be a massive part of other people’s lives. Truth is, the majority of people don’t care. They just sit there with their beaks open allowing themselves to be stuffed like a foie gras goose with whatever computers want them to listen to. So I’d like to think of Golden Mare records as the funnel by which we can force feed the public our music. It’s our raison d’être.
HENRY: I can see you’re very passionate about this.
BERT: Yes, I suppose that does make me sound really bitter and cynical. I don’t want to come across like an incel of music. It does actually seem that something good is happening with popular culture, with loads of great new art and music and loads of young people actively consuming it.
As per a line from the song, have either of you sucked on the forbidden teat?
BERT: It’s ‘suckling’ rather than sucking. As the son of a dairy farmer, I can neither confirm nor deny any allegations regarding any teats, forbidden or otherwise.
DAVE: Well, I can confirm that I’ve had a right good old go on it in the past, but I’m a reformed character now. My saxophone acts like a massive dummy and helps keep me on the straight and narrow.
Once, when I went into the office, I did seven and a half of hours of solid and very important typing. Please could you tell us about something you have done that was as spectacularly dull yet vital?
DAVE: I once spent 3 days grading 4,000 random sized roof slates into approximate size and thickness. That was dull. It felt vital at the time but eight years later they are still in their crates unused and, to some extent, jumbled up again. I take it as a life lesson that what can seem incredibly important in one moment often turns out to be completely meaningless. As it says in the old scriptures, “The golden slate of promise is a turd in disguise.”
HENRY: This would be classed as a ‘Dave-based adventure’.
DAVE: Life is so exciting!
If you could recruit anyone else to your band, who would it be?
BERT: It was cool when Metallica had a life coach involved in making St. Anger. Everyone should have a life coach. There just aren’t enough to go round.
What adventure will you be going on next?
BERT: We’ve got loads of hits ready to record, but our busy schedules dictate that rather than release them in a lump as an album, we’re going to let them ooze out… like puss from a gangrenous wound.
DAVE: I might go and count my slates again.
‘The Forces of Evil’ is out now via Golden Mare Recording Co.
THE ADVENTURES OF BERT & HENRY: Bandcamp | Facebook
Review & interview by Neil Laurenson
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