Navy blue with yellow writing saying 'Fuck the Tories'

Single Review: The Kunts – F*ck the Tories

It is that time of year again, the Christmas tree is looking twinkly. The lights dance in your retinas as you stare at the news from your threadbare sofa. You’re wrapped in a blanket you haven’t washed in six months cause you can’t afford a tumble drier, and anyway, you’d rather not risk feeding that black mold you’ve noticed crawling up the dining room wall. You shiver as images of the ‘Cost of Living Crisis’ flash across the screen. Ah, that’s good some kind soul donated some tins of beans to the new foodbank down the road.  You go grab a can of Stella from your empty fridge between the jolly adverts for delicious dripping turkeys and chocolate-booze-soaked puddings. You think – ‘I wonder if all that food no one can afford will end up in the foodbanks’, you chuckle to yourself at the Idiocracy of it.

The news is back on, next up, the strikes; NHS Nurses, Rail Workers, Postal Delivery Drivers even some brave Amazon workers have taken the stand. You get a notification on your phone ‘Isn’t it funny that we’d all absolutely love coal for Christmas this year’ it says. You chuckle again, staring at the place in the wall the fireplace used to be. Hey, it’s alright though, at least you’re not so poor you have a pre-payment meter installed – that would really add some baubles to the heating bill this year.

Father Christmas sat at the North Pole is watching all of this. He makes a list of who is naughty and nice – as we all well know. On Christmas eve, as he drops the thick, sooty lumps of wet coal down the chimneys of Sunak, Truss, Boris and their little cronies, you just know they will be sitting gleefully by their fireplaces warming their hands and sniggering as ‘plop, plop, plop’ their free fuel is deposited into their energy-guzzling mansions.

‘We even tricked Saint. Nick himself!’ They’ll sing at their next private party.

What we need this Christmas is for Dickens to rise again and write A Christmas Carol Part 2. Seeing as The Ghostbusters are busy, we will rely on the trusty Kunts.

‘Fuck the Tories’ is out now. It is a way by which the people of the United Kingdom can stand up and say enough is enough – it is a symbol for the strikers, the unions, the poor, hungry, homeless and cold – the people.

The BBC has officially banned it – Which tells a lot about who puts on that show!

Jon Morter, is a huge supporter. He’s the guy who led the Rage Against the Machine for Christmas number one campaign back in 2009 – he said today;

“The situation with the charts now is exactly the same as 2009, when the millionaire Simon Cowell had monopolised the last four Christmas charts and the public stood up and said they’d had enough. We all know what happened next. Now we have LadBaby, a 4 times Christmas Number 1 who became a millionaire off the back of charity records still using food banks to promote himself and his brand and line his pockets, while never condemning the government whose policies are the cause of them. The K*nts song F*ck The T*ries, like Rage Against The Machine did in 2009, offers a clear message to anyone who wants to express that they have had enough.”

The song ‘Fuck the Tories’ is a happy one. It’s a Football chant of Kings if ever I heard, I hope to the heavens above (if there are any England fans left loitering around Qatar) they sing it at the World Cup this weekend.

The Kunts have pulled something spectacular out of the bag here. It is more than previous years. It has had to be. It is time to change the state of the UK system, and only the power of the people can do this. If you buy a cake and just watch as your dog eats it – it’s gonna eat the whole thing. You have to stop it, speak up and let that pooch know there is a problem – that’s YOUR tasty cake. I’ve kinda gone off-piste a bit there – basically – sitting numb with cold, staring at the news isn’t going to do any good, you get one life, and the Tories are ballsing it up.

‘Well yeah, but what can I do?’ – You say!

I’m glad you asked!

Buy this single, play this single, promote this single.

Right now it’s at number four in the charts. Imagine if this gets to Christmas Number one. If every single person in the UK hears it and realises that there are thousands and thousands of others agreeing with the sentiment.

That there is a message of Christmas hope, love and charity still lit in the hearts of so many of all us people.

Imagine Dorothy humming it as she eats her microwavable Christmas dinner, Steve as he fixes his neighbour’s thermostat for free even though he can’t afford to buy that toy his kid wanted, those charitable souls in the soup kitchens on Christmas day blasting it out over a borrowed PA system.

A few Tory voters might say ‘huh’, the fence sitters might say ‘hmm’ but if we all band together and the jolly sounds of Fuck the Tories make it through the quadruple glazing at Number 10. Father Christmas, The Kunts, the strikers and you, might just deliver something pretty snazzy for the UK public next Christmas.

If nothing else, Sunak and his stooges might gift us a usary loan for 10% off next month’s heating bill.

Download F*ck the Tories:

The Kunts: Support / Facebook / Twitter / Website

Article By Jess Milner
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