Ailsa Tully’s new single ‘Self Soothing’ was born out of grief and how it can weigh heavily on yourself and those around you. Tully says the song was “created at a time when I had lost my dad to cancer and was experiencing the impact that grief was having on my life, especially on my relationship”.
Grief can be emotional quicksand as it threatens to pull you under with a palpable weight along with intense mood swings that can be difficult for those around you to handle. ‘Self Soothing’ feels like a pause in the middle of the pain as if Tully is trying to articulate its effect. The feeling of wanting to be held when you’re falling apart is beautifully summed up in the lines “You don’t have to soothe me, I’m not your baby. I just wanted you to hold me when I’m lonely, to make space for my grieving body”, a mantra that is repeated through the song.
‘Self Soothing’ is fragile in its construction with minimal instrumentation perfectly placed. It’s built on a two-chord bass motif that runs through the song, moving from sweet to bitter which creates an unsettling feel. The post-chorus keyboard line softly rotates in the right channel while there’s the gentle corrugation of guitar sits in the left. The vocals are never forced and float just above a whisper, as intimate as if it was recorded close to the microphone when everyone else was asleep.
Despite the reason for writing the song, it is good to have Ailsa Tully back releasing more music. ‘Self Soothing’ is crepuscular, sorrowful and a bitter-sweet lullaby for loss.
Ailsa Tully: Website | Facebook | Bandcamp | Instagram | YouTube
If you are struggling with grief then a good starting point is Cruse Bereavement Support.
Self Soothing Lyrics
We move ourselves in
As we disintegrate
Our life can begin
It’s relentless
Trying to love us
So leave in the night
Don’t say anything
I’ll be alright
You don’t have to soothe me
I’m not your baby
I just wanted you to hold me when I’m lonely
To make space for my grieving body
I wanted to feel that
I wish you could have been that for me
How can I be
In a bed too big for me
We used to fit three
I can’t sleep on your side
You were always on her side
So this is the end
Back where you are comfortable
Another dead end
I know that you want her
So why don’t you tell her
I just wanted you to hold me, when I’m lonely
To make space for my grieving body
I wanted to feel that
I wish you could have been that
But I’m never enough
Never enough
Review by Paul F Cook
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