Dear Editor,
As a member of the most oppressed minority in modern day Great Britain (I am talking of course about straight, white, middle-aged men), I am writing to express my DISGUST and OUTRAGE about your publication’s continued support of the so called ‘band’ Those Flipping Snowflakes (common decency prevents me from using their chosen name).
Those Fudging Snowflakes are clearly a dangerous group of subversive lefty tofu-eating wokeists who HATE our country and the values that right minded people like me and my drinking buddy Richard hold dear. While I’ve not actually listened to any of their so called ‘music’ (what on Earth is ‘Math Punk’ anyway? And what’s wrong with a nice little ditty that you can hum along to in the car, eh?), I read the first paragraph of an online article that said they were anti-capitalist, pro-immigration feminists who probably want to put up my taxes, turn my children trans and force me to have an asylum seeker living in one of my spare bedrooms!
And to make things worse, Dickie has now WhatsApped me a screenshot of a headline informing me that there’s a new Those Fracking Snowflakes single coming out called ‘Straight Pride Month’. Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t care if someone’s gay – some of my wife’s work colleague’s best friends are gay (well, they haven’t actually said so, but I saw one bloke wearing an open-chested flowery shirt and eating quinoa, so you know…) – just don’t wave it about in my face! I won’t degrade myself by listening to it, but presumably this song is an AFFRONT to the traditional family values that made this country great. And what’s worse I see it features backing vocals from Tom Robinson (though I initially got excited when I misread it as Tommy)! Now, I don’t know much about the bloke – though I’m pretty sure I remember my dad shouting something rude at Top of The Pops when he was on in the 70s – but he’s got a show on the British Bolshevik Corporation, so he’s probably an acolyte of comrade Lineker.
I hope my letter helps you see sense and that you’ll expunge Those Funking Snowflakes and their musical FILTH from your pages once and for all.
Yours furiously,
Big Nige
Clacton-On-Sea
‘Straight Pride Month’ is out on 13th June
Catch Those Fucking Snowflakes live at the following shows:
PRESTON – The Ferret, Thursday 12th – June
LONDON – Walthamstow Trades Club – 3rd Aug
BLACKPOOL – Rebellion Festival – 7th Aug
Those Fucking Snowflakes: Website / Facebook / Instagram / Bandcamp
Review by Paul Maps
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